Let's Get Out Of The Hospital Already

Hey, blog readers. Jonathan's Cancer here, filling in for Jonathan who spent all last night running back and forth from his bed to the bathroom. Man, even I felt bad for him for a second or two.
I guess. Anyway, this hospital stay thing is getting stale for me, and there are a bunch more hospital visits to come, so I thought it might be fun to wrap things up at the hospital and move on. I mean, it's not like Jonathan can even remember what happened there. And besides, things are going to get even worse for him, and I want to get to that part.

After a few days in that weird quad room, Jonathan was moved to a regular room with a roommate who was also recovering from some kind of surgery.  Eventually, the roommate left, and it was just Jonathan alone in this big room. He mostly just lay there until he got well enough to go home.

Now, I want to correct something Jonathan said before. It was in this room where he finally had that big tube removed from his abdominal area. And there were two tubes -- not just one. Thick, industrial clear plastic, half-inch diameter tubing. Man, that had to hurt. Once they saw that he was doing okay, they removed the second tube a few days later. When the doctor yanked the second one out of him, she said she'd count to three, but pulled it out on two. This hurt like hell. The doctor said that was her method. The first time, Jonathan was able to hold his breath and brace for the pain. The second -- It was classic, really. I should've gotten her number.

Also funny, was one afternoon, Jonathan woke up and opened his eyes. Standing over him was his Rabbi who had come to pay a visit. I don't know him, but Jonathan thinks very highly of him. I guess the Rabbi could be the great guy they say he is. I mean, he did visit Jonathan. Anyway, half-asleep still, Jonathan opens his eyes and the Rabbi says, "Merry Christmas!" Jonathan smiled, but didn't really get it until later when he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. The chemo caused his beard to grow in completely white, and he hadn't shaved in weeks. The Rabbi even has a sense of humor.

Jonathan also noticed that he hadn't lost that much weight. They explained he was getting something called TPN, total parenteral nutrition. The whole time he was in the hospital, he was being fed intravenously, directly into his blood stream through his neck. It's this milky liquid that contains all the calories and nutrients one needs to live, and it was continuously pumped into him 24 hours a day.

On the day we were going home, they said Jonathan had to wait for a wheel chair, but they were way behind and backed up. Jonathan and his wife (mostly his wife) began to suspect that it might be hours until they left at this rate. So as soon as all the paperwork was done, and the coast was clear, Jonathan's wife grabbed his stuff and Jonathan, and they made a break for it.